Story by Michael Ko

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About 12 years ago, Angel was beginning her gender transition process. A Starbucks barista at the time, she felt ready to come out in the workplace and scheduled a meeting with her store manager. She was nervous. Declaring herself an openly trans person was not going to be easy.&nbsp;

“Of course, it was one of the most difficult experiences, but I knew I couldn’t transition without having agency for myself,” Angel recalls. “I told my store manager, ‘I’m going to transition, my preferred name is Angel and my pronouns are she/her.’ (The store manager) shared that with the rest of the team and said, ‘We will honor that, we will respect that and this isn’t an issue up for debate.’

“She embraced me with love. I felt seen by somebody that I admired. She had a liking for my work ethic and saw so many great things in me. Just because I told her I was trans, that didn’t erase those things. It didn’t change those things about me.”

Angel thinks back to that moment of positive allyship as pivotal in her development, both personally and professionally. At a vulnerable time, she felt like she belonged. Encouraged by other leaders who pushed and encouraged her, Angel is now a Starbucks store manager herself in Washington, D.C. – and a good one at that.

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Several times, she’s been recognized as a top store manager in her area. She helped organize a Starbucks volunteer tent at a recent trans visibility march in D.C. and also led a table talk for the Starbucks Black Partner Network, a partner (employee) resource group, around her experience as a Black trans woman. She’s also led barista training workshops, promoted civic engagement in her community and organized local toy and literacy drives. Her store’s customer connection score is the highest in her district.&nbsp;

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Here, in her own words, she shares some of her perspectives and experiences, and talks about how to be an ally to the trans community, why pronouns are all about respect and what it means to try and be yourself during a time of increasing anti-trans legislation across the country.

On her experiences with gender as a child, and societal norms around gender…

“At a young age, I started wearing girl clothes. I was 11, 12 (years old), putting on my mom’s shoes. People would say, ‘You know you’re not supposed to play with that. You’re not supposed to do that.’ Little kids experience that all the time. It’s a form of trauma.

“We have to rethink what normal looks like, rethink what a boy or girl is supposed to do. If you have a child who is different or doesn’t identify as either, or isn’t your typical kid for whatever reason, why do we have the associations we have – colors, job expectations, their toys. We have to try not to limit them. Had I not been gender policed when I was a kid, who knows what talents I would have developed if I had the safety to do so?

“Don’t force your kids to be anyone other than who they say they are.”

On her journey of becoming more comfortable in her own skin…

“At the beginning of my transition, people were calling me out, taking pictures, (referring to me as) ‘that thing.’ The first time that happened, it was crushing. I cried. The things that people would say were outrageous. &nbsp;

“I got to a point where I didn’t have to deal with that all the time, and I knew I had more to offer than my trans-ness… I wanted to make myself the best shift supervisor. I was always on time. My store was the cleanest. I’d check every little box at work. But it was very stressful. I built this armor of wanting to make everything perfect, to the point of anxiety… Because I was trans, I felt I had to do more to earn my keep.

“I’m in a place, probably the last two years, I feel a little more liberated… I’m in a place now where I’m a mother to many, and I can give that advice to trans partners or gender non-conforming partners. The more that I’m living out loud and expressing that I’m trans, I’m starting to become more comfortable at work, and certainly more comfortable about not letting my trans-ness feel like a burden in any way.”

On seeing trans people as people, and respecting their chosen identity and pronouns…

“I think we have to create that culture of not making assumptions, and creating that level of professionalism that is required to work with people of all walks of life, just like we do with different religious beliefs. Ask before you say anything that could be damaging. For trans and gender non-conforming people, misgendering them is one of the most obvious forms of verbal violence that you can commit. It is truly one of the most hurtful things you can say to someone who is struggling with identity or transitioning through gender. Respecting me is using my pronouns and my name and how I choose to identify.

“Sometimes I don’t want to lead with being trans. That’s not the only thing I want to be seen as. I’m also Black, I’m also a creative… I am a house mother for the Legendary House of Comme Des Garcon (an organization committed to supporting and uplifting the LGBTQ+ community). &nbsp;If you’ve seen ‘Pose’ (a television drama about New York’s drag scene), you’ll kind of understand my leadership role. My work as a house mother encompasses me being a resource of love, advice and sometimes feedback to help my members/kids grow. I pour into them all.”

On what it means to be an ally to someone who identifies as trans…

“(About six years ago) I transferred to another store with a manager, Meskerem, who poured into my development. Every day was class. She was able to teach me about business acumen, ordering, managing waste, running a store that was busier than my old store. She didn’t see my trans-ness, she just saw my work.

“Being an ally means creating a sense of belonging, making sure that we are creating a space where that trans person or trans youth doesn’t feel like they’ll be penalized for being vulnerable and transparent about their identity or experience. And within that, words of affirmation, affirming that this is a safe space…

“And when things happen, making sure we’re not bystanders, that we are present and we are advocates for trans and gender non-conforming people when they are and when they are not in the room. It means so much more to me if you’re an advocate when I’m not there.”

On the power of living life more visibly…

“For many years, I didn’t talk about my trans-ness. I just wanted to be the best person for the job. The beauty of my experience has been that once you do free yourself, the possibilities are endless. A lot of those achievements (recognition for being a top store manager) happened after I was visible. After I was more forthcoming and more comfortable and honest, I was able to live up to my potential and things fell into place. I was able to work harder and be free around my identity and not have to be secretive.”

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A Starbucks store manager reflects on her experience as a Black trans woman and explains how to be an ally to the trans community.

Meet Angel, who knows the power of ‘living out loud’

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Celebrating PRIDE: Meet Angel (she/her), who knows the power of ‘living out loud’

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A Starbucks store manager reflects on her experience as a Black trans woman and explains how to be an ally to the trans community, why pronouns are important and what it means to be yourself.

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Growing up, Danny always felt out of place, both because he was an Asian in a predominantly white community and because his immigrant family had very strict perceptions of masculinity and what it meant to be the man of the house.

One place he’s been able to find a sense of belonging is the Starbucks Pride Network, a partner (employee) resource group celebrating its 25th year, with a mission to inspire and nurture the LGBTQ+ community.

Danny moved to Washington state as a young child and as a teenager, became a Starbucks barista. When he was 17, he befriended a co-worker, a Starbucks Pride Network member, who helped him feel safe and respected around his identity. The support gave him the courage to tell the rest of his store team he was gay, which in turn helped him come out to his family.

“I saw so many leaders (in the Starbucks Pride Network) who were not like the people I grew up with – people of color, trans people, people with disabilities,” says Danny, now a Starbucks social media strategist in Seattle. “I was seeing that and seeing the supporters of those people, and other people who understood the struggles of not knowing yourself, who could speak to being an outsider.”

Lately, friends within the Pride network have been helping him unpack and talk about his Asian identity, a process that intensified with the recent increase in hate crimes against the Asian community.

He remembers vividly a conversation he had with someone when he was working as a Starbucks shift supervisor, after moving to Philadelphia to attend college, who said that Asian Americans didn’t really understand prejudice and racism. It made Danny think about the model minority myth, which stereotypes Asian Americans as successful and privileged and diminishes their struggles.

“While it might not be intentional, I find that when I’m talking to some of my friends, peers, the struggles of Asian Americans are somewhat dismissed,” he says. “How can I and others better educate the people around us while also working through being told these things?”

He’s never verbalized these kinds of thoughts so purposefully before. “I’ve never really had a chance to find a connection with my cultural identity, never really connected with other Asian people, other Asian families,” he says.

As Danny leans more into his intersectional identities, he struggles with the tension he sometimes feels being gay and Asian, and how to best make sense of his relationship with his mother, especially in the context of her experiences growing up in Korea. She told him she saw openly gay people being publicly assaulted; sometimes, rocks were thrown at them.

He wonders how much that fear influenced her reaction when he came out, the summer before he left for college. When he told her, it didn’t go well, and their relationship was strained for years.

When he moved back to Seattle several years ago, he transitioned into his corporate job – and reconnected with his mother. He’s in a place where he can acknowledge her experiences, while trying simultaneously to explain to her who he really is. Sometimes, he says, “I see a light at the end of the tunnel.” Sometimes, he can’t forget how her reaction made him feel – numb and hurt.

“I just want to keep exposing her to more people who are gay. Some have families, some have amazing careers. They’re good people, they’re good to me, they’re good to her,” he says. “Has she ever seen any gay people treated well? Am I the first person who’s teaching her about any of this?

“Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I can’t do all these things. My future isn’t limited because I’m gay. I’m proving to her that I can get a great job and be happy with my life. I want her to know that everything is still going to be OK.”

A Starbucks partner reflects on the tension he sometimes feels being gay and Asian, and how he’s trying to bring those two identities together.

Meet Danny, whose Pride family is helping him lean into all his identities

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Celebrating PRIDE: Meet Danny (he/him), whose Pride family is helping him lean into all his identities

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When Andi and Karen held hands and walked together in the 2016 Seattle Pride Parade, it was significant, and not just because it was Andi’s first march and they were coming out publicly as a couple in front of their friends and co-workers.

The moment led to a marriage, and also represented a milestone on the paths they’ve each been on to truly feel seen and understood – for Andi, finding the right words to describe who she truly is inside, and for Karen, finding pride in her identity.

“People want to feel heard and seen, they want to love who they love without judgment, and they want to live their true and authentic selves,” says Andi, a Starbucks supervisor on the partner data team. “Pride to me is the ability to break free from what I grew up with and have the family and life that I have always wanted.

“All of us are humans and it is a beautiful thing that everyone can be who they are to the core of their being, and to celebrate that.”

For Karen, a Starbucks global supply chain project manager, that march was her 20th. But while many of those events were fun, until then, “I’d never felt the same sense of pride – holding my girlfriend’s hand in a place where we would not be stared at or judged, and truly letting go and celebrating together.”

Pride month is a celebration of the LGBTQ+ community – social visibility and self-acceptance, advancements in legal rights such as same-sex marriage, a commemoration of the important 1969 Stonewall Riots in New York City. What better way to celebrate than with a love story?

Andi and Karen met at a Starbucks in Washington state and started dating about a year later. They both worked in the stores – Karen was a store manager at two different locations – before transitioning into corporate roles. They live in Arizona, having relocated recently in hopes the warmer weather will help with Andi’s fibromyalgia.

Their romance was a whirlwind. One spring night, they kissed on the dance floor of a Seattle neighborhood club, a moment they both describe as “fireworks.” That summer was the Pride parade. The next January, in 2017, they were married.

Since Andi was little, she’s known she likes girls. In middle school, she came out as bisexual because it felt safer, but a family member told her it was “just a phase” and that “you like boys.” As an adult, even after she started dating Karen, calling herself gay or lesbian didn’t fit what she felt inside.&nbsp;

“The fluidity of the human identity is a sliding scale and I now understand that the best descriptor for me is queer, knowing that inside I have both masculine and feminine feelings,” she says. “I don’t have to be confined to what society has defined as gay or lesbian, I can simply be who I am without the added pressure of gendered descriptors.

“I have people in my life that tell me they just don’t understand why they are expected to ask people what their pronouns are, or why people want to make their identities so complex by using words such as queer. But the world isn’t binary – boy/girl, straight/gay, he/she. It is much more complex than that which is what makes our world such a beautiful place.”

Karen grew up attending religious school. She remembers going to her first Pride festival – alone – when she was 15 years old. She snuck out of the house without telling anyone because she hadn’t come out yet. When she did, her senior year of high school, it wasn’t on her terms; she was “outed” by someone else.

“By far one of the worst times of my life,” Karen remembers. “It felt incredibly lonely to have a number of close friends one day, to hardly any the next.”

A family member wanted her to go to conversion therapy. Teachers told her she needed counseling. She felt judged and fell into depression.

For Karen, kissing Andi “opened my eyes and got me thinking about what a happy, healthy relationship could be like… it was an epiphany.”

As their relationship grew, they found they were both motivated, driven and ambitious. They helped each other advance professionally and encouraged each other to finish school, which they both did recently through the <a href="https://starbucks.asu.edu/">Starbucks College Achievement Plan</a>.

Their wedding took place in Nevada, a small ceremony officiated by their good friend Ben, a Starbucks store manager in Seattle. Afterwards, they all walked down the Strip, still dressed up. Dinner was atop the replica Eiffel Tower restaurant at the Paris Las Vegas, with a view of the famous fountain at the Bellagio. Karen had a delicious steak (she’s now a vegetarian), and Andi still thinks about the butter. They danced to “Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur.

“Pride means being proud of who you are, no matter what,” Karen says. “There’s been a 100 percent shift in the right direction, in the last 10 years or so. I just feel like we’ve come so far as a society. It feels good to be celebrating and not be afraid.”

For these two Starbucks partners, marriage represents a milestone in the different paths they took to finally reach a place where they both felt truly seen.

Andi and Karen, finding each other also meant finding themselves

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Celebrating PRIDE: Meet Andi (she/her) and Karen (she/her), for whom finding each other also meant finding themselves

Meet Andi and Karen, for whom finding each other also meant finding themselves

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For these two Starbucks partners, marriage represents a milestone in the different paths they took to finally reach a place where they both felt truly seen and understood.

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We are continually looking to expand the ways we can show our support for the communities we serve. The following organizations provide resources for members of the LGBTQ+ community as well as some valuable perspectives on inclusivity for allies. We invite you to explore and learn with us.

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Resources for the LGBTQ+ community and allies.

Supporting the LGBTQ+ community and resources for allies

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This June, Starbucks is celebrating Pride month by sharing stories of some of our LGBTQ+ partners, stories of family, identity and love. <a href="https://stories.starbucks.com/stories/2019/starbucks-pride-a-long-legacy-of-lgbtq-inclusion/" rel="noopener" target="_blank">We value and support the Pride community</a> – customers, partners and allies alike. No matter your identity, no matter your background, we’re better together.
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From coffee farmers, to roasters, buyers, baristas and so many more, Starbucks Global Coffee Week celebrates the people and communities that make each cup possible. Throughout this week, we will be sharing how our vision for a limitless future of coffee comes to life, as well as telling the stories about the innovations, milestones and people behind your coffee.

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This May, during Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, Starbucks is proud to share the stories of some of our AAPI partners, stories about connecting with our roots, about learning to unapologetically be ourselves, about the need to be seen. When we know about each other, we’re stronger together.
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